Software engineer or failure?
For a lot of my career, I felt being in tech support meant I was a failure. That I didn’t meet my own goal of being a software engineer. I feel like this was a stigma I carried with me for years. Always hearing “Oh you’re from Support” and subsequently being dismissed. So now I had an inferiority complex and need to prove my worth. But what does a software engineer do? How do I get these jobs? How does someone without a college degree get into this field?
Sure the right answer is to talk to someone you work with/know in the field and have an honest conversation. Yep, great answer! But at the time I was too shy and insecure so I made my plan. I was going to try and “master” my craft in my current position and hope that it all worked out. The plan was to get so good at what I did that the engineering teams would see my productivity and want me on their team.
At the time I was working in support for Good Technology and immersed myself in all things Microsoft Exchange, Active Directory, iOS, and Android. I felt if I could become the Exchange and possibly Mobile expert and be the one that handled all the P1 incidents surely that would make me worthy of a jr engineer role. So that’s what I did. The next 3 years 2012-2015 were spent obsessed chasing a goal I never really defined. Then as 2015 started we all got the news that our contract was finished and the entire office was to be laid off. All that work all those hours were for “nothing”. I didn’t know it at the time but these years gave me a foundation and framework that would help define the next half-decade of my life.
Now with looming unemployment staring me in the face, I responded to an email asking me if I was interested in a lateral move into another technical support role. This role was based out of Portland, OR. I had never once thought about moving my family but the city I was in (Salt Lake City) was about to be flooded with about 50 people and all of us with similar skill sets. So I talked to my wife and she said let’s see what New Relic has to say. I had no idea what kind of journey I was about to embark on…
Fast forward to May 2015 and my family and I are now residents in the PNW. I just left a job where I was a big fish in a small pond but I knew there was no more career growth. Being a software engineer was still a dream (much like winning the lottery is also a dream) but didn’t feel attainable. But I was going to fight until I knew that door was closed.
I have worked in support for a while at this point. But that first year at New Relic was extremely tough. It was the first time I can remember feeling like I was the dumbest person in the room all the time. I had unbelievable coworkers during these years. They pushed me to be better than I thought possible. I had a hard time articulating customer problems and also struggled to keep up with feedback from coworkers. I ended up keeping a running notepad called Things I Don’t Know. I took notes about phrases, services, patterns, and terminology I didn’t know. I’d then research these things on my train ride home so I could at least follow the conversations going on around me. In retrospect, a lot of the problems I encountered were self-inflicted due to insecurities.
Once I was able to get a solid understanding of the java ecosystem the conversations with customers started to make sense. That’s when the real fun began. Working with companies I knew and used I got to see how their systems were architected. Got to work with them as they rolled out new services, struggled with performance issues, and joined calls to investigate service interruptions. I love being able to put out fires and help customers work through their technical blockers. This mentality earned me the trust of my managers who allowed me to float between teams at this point. Moving teams allowed me to help my new teammates avoid the struggles I had. I enjoy trying to foster sessions of concentrated growth.
After a few years at New Relic, I began getting messages from recruiters for software engineering roles. I was flattered but still too insecure to go through with the interview. Then it hit me, I’m afraid to try and fail for the job I want. I’m close now and it scared me. I talked myself into responding to some of these recruiters. In the best case I talk myself into a situation where they’ll have to make me an offer I can’t refuse OR I’ll learn what I’m missing by seeing what these interviews look like. At first, all these interviews were outside of my company. But as my experience and confidence grew I felt confident enough to interview internally. I missed the mark on 2 teams but thankfully I landed a position on the Timeslice Storage team!
It’s 2019 I am a software engineer now! I made it and now what? I’m learning so much and challenged every day. Unfortunately, I catch COVID missing 3 weeks of work, and then the world locks down. I no longer have my work support group, my commute, or my office. My amazing office is gone and in its place is my 13-year-old daughter’s bedroom.
I don’t think it’s fair to judge my experience as a software engineer by working at this time. As 2020 went on I felt a lack of agency in my life. Too much had changed I went from elation to irrelevancy, from confident to filled with self-reproach. I needed to reset my world and find something that makes me feel like me again. I love helping people grow and develop. I need a job where I solve unique problems while also diving deep into obscure technical (code level) issues. While this can be satisfied as a software engineer but that’s not the only role. I loved being a software engineer but it also took away my autonomy and ability to float between unique problems.
For 2021 I sought change and more time working with customers and varied problems. I started looking into Customer Success as a next step. I love the idea of helping a handful of companies and teams. That now brings us to the present. I’m currently working at Confluent where I have the amazing opportunity to work with some truly great people.
I’ll always see myself as a software engineer but for now, Customer Success Architect checks all my boxes. I struggled with the “loss” of my engineer status after chasing it for so long but at the end of the day, I’m happier and more fulfilled.
Looking back at my journey I am unbelievably thankful for the path that I took. It took much much longer than I expected to get where I wanted. Along the way, I met some amazing people, got put into situations that broadened my experience, and just showed me a different world
Things I learned on my journey:
1. My ego got in the way and stunted my growth so much.
2. Because of my tangled path, I learned more than I ever expected and met some amazing people.
3. Knowing how to teach yourself is a skill and I’m so glad I learned that.
4. Struggling with a purpose where you learn from the struggle is important.
5. Struggling because of ego and hurting your team needs to be avoided.
6. My time in tech support taught me to embrace the fires and the chaos. I love being put on the spot and trying to live up to the label of subject matter expert.
7. Titles don’t define you so embrace who you are and what you bring.
Thoughts 